Written by Rachel Dutt
Our life has many stages, from getting married to having children, from our children learning to talk to children getting jobs, getting married, and moving out of the house. Children moving out of the house because of any reason can be overwhelming for parents. Education, job, or marriage all are crucial and happy movements of an individual’s life. It is like moving to the next chapter of their life. While these are happy movements for individuals who are moving on, these changes are difficult for parents as they are left alone with empty spaces in their lives. Many parents get through the transition of an empty nest easily but some take time to get adjusted to this new change.
In simple terms, empty nest syndrome is described as emotional distress or sadness when children leave home (nest) for work, marriage, education, or any other reason. According to the Oxford Dictionary, empty nest syndrome is “sadness or emotional distress affecting parents whose children have grown up and left home.
The empty nest syndrome (ENS) affects both parents but the mother may have more effect in some cases. It usually affects middle-aged parents when the last born moves out and there is emptiness and loneliness experienced by parents.
Why do parents experience this loneliness?
- In the Indian culture, a family is a strong unit in a person’s life. The sense of belongingness which is important for mental well-being is reduced to zero as people are living in nuclear families after the children move out. The other factor that may aggravate the symptoms is marital fights among parents. If the fights frequently happen, the extent of loneliness will also increase.
- Also, in Indian culture parents lose their identities when their children are born. Their whole lives revolve around their children. This loss of identity gets complex when children are not there anymore.
- In women, menopause happening in middle-aged women also exaggerates the symptoms of anxiety, sadness, and loneliness.
- This is also the time when parents are retired and have a lot of time on their hands. The time they planned to spend with their children who are not there anymore makes the transition more difficult for them.
What do parents experience in empty nest syndrome?
- The most experienced feeling is the absence of their children’s presence making them feel lonely. This emptiness is also difficult to fill with other bonds and things. But it is not impossible to find sustaining bonds in that period as well.
- Parents worry about their children’s well-being. The worry may be extended to their sense of loss of control.
- Depression or sadness comes with the distance from their children. It may also be associated with the loss of purpose. Parents dedicate a good amount of time to taking care of their children and suddenly the purpose is gone which can make parents go through depression or sadness.
How to deal with it?
- Reconnecting with spouse. Many partners mention that they did not have time for each other while taking care of their children. This is a good opportunity for the couples to reconnect and deepen their emotional attachments. Loneliness reduces when we can go to our partner and share our pain with them.
- Reconnecting to self and finding their identity again. All need to be self-awareness and spend time alone doing something or nothing.
- Fulfill your dreams. There are so many passions parents are not able to follow while parenting. Or maybe look for your passions and try new things.
- Join different support groups and clubs such as reading and cooking. Many people also try yoga which is helpful for physical and mental health.
- Seeking counseling. Counseling is a safe space for acknowledging your feelings and learning to deal with them.
- If you are well-off, you can visit orphanages and spend some good time with kids who need love.
- Pets are also helpful in finding affection and love.
Rachel Dutt is a Counseling Psychologist and Queer Affirmative Therapist
Fit Minds Forever 